Playing Stupid
by Sadie
Summary: “Carter glared at the Colonel. What was going on? Who was MacGyver? Did the Dean of MIT really just offer the Colonel a job as a professor? In the department of PHYSICS!”


Title:               Playing Stupid

By:                  Sadie

Category:         Humour/Crossover with MacGyver

Couple(s):       Sam/Jack friendship

Rating:             G

Season:            7

Spoilers:         Rite of Passage (for Cassie's comment).  A general knowledge of the show is needed.

Disclaimer:     I have about two cents to my name.  You can have them, Showtime/Viacom, Sci-Fi Channel US, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions.  You can split it up among yourselves.

Summary:        _"Carter glared at the Colonel.  What was going on?  Who was MacGyver?  Did the Dean of MIT really just offer the Colonel a job as a professor?  In the department of PHYSICS?!"_

Authors Note:  I know, I know… this fic idea has been overdone to death (it's burnt to the crisp and therefore completely uneatable).  But this "Could Colonel O'Neill be MacGyver?" story became a physical headache and so for health reasons, I had to write this.  A further warning, I have only seen about a handful of MacGyver episodes (the show was way before my time), so I'll accept any criticism with open arms.  For example, I have no idea what Mac's education was, other than his remarkable ability to blow things up.  So the doctorate idea is probably a fiction of my own creation.  With that said, onto the fic.  -S

xxx

Cassie had once told Sam that Colonel O'Neill wasn't as stupid as he pretended to be.  Sam was starting to feel that maybe she was the dim one for not noticing it earlier.

All of the signals had been there: that vacant, glazed look that often came over him during her scientifically minded briefings; his endless fiddling with her lab equipment which often lead to weeks of work ruined; and the constant "dumb Colonel" jokes he'd crack about himself.

It was all a carefully constructed cover-up.  A façade the Colonel had built up around himself.  And Sam was hitting herself against a wall for falling for it (and it was a brick wall!  Ouch!).

Sam Carter had been lecturing at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology for the last two weeks about Theoretical Wormhole Theories (although in actual fact, not theoretical at all).  It was her chance to relax (yes, relax), while also keeping an eye out for potential recruits for the Stargate Program.

She had just finished her last guest lecture and was small talking with a Professor Derks?  Durks?  Dikes?  Something like that.

The professor interrupted his praises, looking over his shoulder in surprise, "Mac?  Nah, it can't be you!"

"Derrek.  Wow.  Hey."

Sam whipped her head around at the familiar voice of the newcomer.  In the doorway was Colonel O'Neill.  Jeez, couldn't the Stargate Program have one Friday without an emergency?

Derrek was still speaking, "Last I heard you'd given up on academia for corporate fortune.  The Phoenix Foundation if I recall correctly?"

"How you can remember that when I hardly can is quite an accomplishment."

To say that the Major was confused would be an understatement.  The Phoenix Foundation?  She coughed lightly to remind the two men of her presence.

"Oh, sorry Dr. Carter.  Let me introduce you to an old college friend of mine.  Mac?  This is Dr. Samantha Carter, possibly the most brilliant astrophysicist I have had the fortune to meet.  Dr. Carter, this is Dr. MacGyver.  He's the type of chemist you don't leave alone in your laboratory.  He's always looking for new ways to blow things up."

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Carter," the Colonel said with his biggest shit-eating grin.

Sam shook his hand, trying to stop from laughing. "You too, Doctor," she said, with considerable emphasis on the last word.

"And I resent the comment about my semi-destructive nature, Derrek."

"Watch it, Mac, or I might tell Dr. Carter about the time you decided to leave a beaker of ether by a Bunsen burner," Professor Derrek joked. 

The Professor took at quick glance at his watch, and began picking up his lecture notes, "I would love to stay and catch up with you, Mac, but I have a class in less than ten minutes.  Will you be around later?"

"I'm really just passing through unfortunately."

Derrek looked up from the pile of paperwork and gave 'Mac' a grin, "Of course you're just passing through.  Give me a call if you're ever in the neighborhood again, will ya?  I'm always looking for more guest lecturers… I have some Physical Chemistry undergrads that would kill to meet you."

"I hope you don't mean that literally."

"So long, Mac."  And Professor Derrek left the room with a flourish, off to his next lecture.

Sam Carter didn't know what to say.  That was alright because she was gasping for air from laughing.  She probably wouldn't have been able to talk even if she'd wanted too.

"Are you done yet, Carter?"

She took a few more deep breaths, and finally got control of her giggling.

"I think so, sir." 

"Come on.  I'll brief you on the way."  And he turned and practically ran out of the lecture hall, before she could even begin to ask him who "MacGyver" was.

She followed him out after quickly gathering her belongings.

The Colonel waited for her to catch up and talked barely above a whisper as they navigated along the busy hallway of the main Science building.  "Thor wants you for another one of your stupid ideas.  He would have beamed you up directly, but was worried…"

"MAC!" someone shouted from down the hall.  "MAC!!"

The Colonel turned around, a frown on his face.  An attractive woman, probably a few years older than Carter, but still younger than the Colonel, was hurrying towards them.

"I thought it was you!" She beamed, throwing herself into his arms.

What the hell was going on here?  Carter wondered.

The Colonel looked stunned as well, holding the woman with a brace gripe.

"Caroline?" he said after the embrace was over, "I haven't seen you in years…"

Caroline spoke a mile a minute.  "Yeah, grad school was a long time ago, wasn't it?  What are you up to now?  Not still into all that organometallic stuff are you?  I read your thesis, and even with all the Star Trek jokes, I still couldn't bring myself to be interested in the preparation of organolithium compounds.  Then I heard something about you making millions working for the Phoenix Foundation, traveling the world and blowing up things and whatnot.  And then something about you joining the secret service?"

Even though Carter was still digesting the first couple of Caroline's sentences, the Colonel seemed to have been used to her speedy, run-on sentences.  "Not the secret service, Caroline, the Air Force."

"Huh.  I always knew you had your head in the clouds, Mac.  Now I suppose you really have an excuse."  Caroline looked up at one of the hallway clocks and gasped.  "Damn it.  I've got to run.  My class started two minutes ago.  Mac, I don't suppose you'd want to fill in for me?"

"Depends," he grinned, "What subject are you teaching?"

"Your favourite!" Caroline was gaining speed, yelling over her shoulder, "Thermodynamics and Statistical Mechanics!"

"I think I'll pass!"  He yelled back.

"Damn it.  I guess I'll talk to you in another twenty years, Mac!"  And Caroline disappeared around the hallway's corner.

 "What's going on, sir?"

"I told you.  We're going to Thor's beam up spot so that you can save the universe again."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about, MacGyver."

He grinned again (he was in a very cheerful mood considering that they were going to be risking their lives in a few hours).  "Oh.  That."

Before Jack could come up with an explanation, Sam heard what was becoming a regular event: "Dr. MacGyver!"

The two Air Force officers walked right into an elderly man, who was addressing the Colonel by his new name.  Carter recognized him as the Dean of the University, Dr. George Sinclair (she'd been introduced to him earlier in the week).

The dean looked pleased. "I see that you found Dr. Carter alright, MacGyver."

"Well, I saw a bunch of confused undergrads walking around in a daze.  I just figured out what room they were all stumbling out of."  Hey!  She wasn't that bad, was she?

"Good, good then.  Have I mentioned recently that you should come back to the university, MacGyver?  I have a couple of positions open in the departments of chemistry and physics."

The Colonel snorted.  "I thought I was on a lifetime ban from MIT since that lab incident a while back."

The dean laughed wholeheartedly, "Oh that small explosion.  Even if I lifted the ban, I doubt you'd take me up on the offer."

"I'll let you know when my current job is getting a bit boring," Jack replied.

"Good.  Now, I'm afraid I can't walk with you any longer.  My next meeting's in the opposite direction.  Dr. Carter, it was a pleasure meeting you."  He shook Major Carter's hand, and then the Colonel's hand as well.  "Dr. MacGyver, til we meet again."

"So long, George!"

Carter glared at the Colonel.  What was going on?  Who was MacGyver?  Did the Dean of MIT really just offer the Colonel a job as a professor?  In the department of PHYSICS?!

"Carter, stop looking at me like that.  I think I might start melting like the wicked witch of the west."

"Fine then.  What's going on here, sir?  Who's this MacGyver person?  And why does everyone, including the dean of the university, seem to think he's you?"

The Colonel twitched uncomfortably.  He glanced at his watch.  They were about two minutes away from Thor's beam-up point.  He launched into an explanation.  "Mac is my younger brother.  He's sort of the big brain of the family.  Would you believe that every time I step into an Ivy League University someone mistakes me for him?"

"You have a brother?!"

"Dr. Angus MacGyver O'Neill.  We don't really talk much.  He kinda has this thing against the military."

"Oh." The Major could relate on that front.  Her brother wasn't very pro-military either.  But she could help wondering, "Why don't you just tell them that you're Mac's brother?"

The Colonel gave an exaggerated sigh, sticking his hands into his pockets, "I did the first few times, but then it leads to 'What field of technobabble are you studying?' or 'Have you talked to Mac recently, I heard he was studying blahblahblah…' or my favourite, they accuse me of lying, and spend hours trying to prove that I am Mac.  Plus, I know it pisses the hell out of Mac, which pretty much makes it all worth it."  And with that, Jack rounded the corner to Thor's "meeting spot".

Carter didn't follow him immediately.  Something was bugging her about the Colonel's explanation.  And she just couldn't pin point it…

"Colonel," Sam said, half-jogging to keep up, "Then how did you know the names of all those professors…"

And then Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter were transported by a beam of light with Thor's impeccable timing.

The End

xxx

Comments/Complaints can't be picked up by psychic messages.  My telepathic abilities aren't that great.  Instead, just write a review please.  -S


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